When I was in seminary, the simple question, “What makes something sinful?” haunted me. Although I did not speak out about this question for fear of appearing stupid or even godless, it continued to disturb me deeply throughout all the years of my studies.
When I became a priest, I took confession very seriously, yet this question continued to haunt me. After listening and sharing with many people, I began to to grasp deep within my soul that most people did not really understand the meaning of sin. When they came to the Sacrament, their confessions were superficial and routine, and it was very difficult to determine if they were truly sorry for their sins.
As a young priest, I went through a further crisis. I asked myself, “Why doe we have the sacrament of Confession?” From the pulpit we announce the Good News. We talk about sin, and we ask people to renounce sinful habits. Yet, in confession I rarely heard that someone was truly responding to the call of Christ or to the priest’s sermon, or was convinced that he must stop sinning. Deep in my soul, I asked myself, “Then, why should we preach? Why should we confess?” I wanted to see the lives of penitents change a little from confession to confession. But I rarely saw much change and my questions regarding confession became stronger and more painful.
In retrospect, I realise that it is such questions that begin the tension in many priestly vocations, when priests do not discover the true purpose of their vocations, especially the call to reconciliation. I also realise that many Christians have a difficult time with confession, especially our youth. Then I have to ask again, “Why should we confess to the priest?” It happens repeatedly that many who come to confession only confess unimportant things and hide the truly important areas of their lives. This has happened to every young man, especially in his years of adolescence. At that time many stop going to confession. Then the priest discovers that those who really need confusion are not coming to the Sacrament, and those who do come confess only superficially.
I remember one believer who asked to discuss this Sacrament with me. She made it clear that she did not want to confess her sins, but just to discuss things. Her first question was, “Why do I have to confess to the priest who is simply human like myself? I can confess directly to God.”
I stood perfectly still for a moment. I felt trapped. I had the same question myself. I did not know how to respond. Finally I replied: “I have a similar difficulty with confession. I have also wondered why we should confess to a priest who is, after, only human. Certainly, Confession does not exist to satisfy a priest’s curiosity or desire to know the sins of others. I am convinced that no penitent says anything really new. The priest has heard all sins, all human acts. I have the same concern that you have.”
She was quiet for a moment. Then suddenly we both realised that there must be something more. Surely, the purpose of confession is not simply to expose our sins. There is something much deeper that happens.
In confession a meeting takes place between the one who is wounded and the Doctor, between the one who is sinful and the One Who is holy, between the one who has been offended and the One Who gives consolation, between the one who has been humiliated and the One Who elevates the humble, between the one who is hungry and the One Who satisfies the hungry, between the one who is lost and the One Who leaves the ninety-nine in order to find the lost one, between the one who is in darkness and the One Who is the Light, between the one who has lost the way and the One Who said, “I am the Way,” between the one who is dead and the One Who is Life.
We talked for a long time, and all the while we were increasing our understanding of confession.
by Fr Slavko Barbaric OFM
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